Michael Jackson 1958-2009

I'm fine. Really I am. The first celebrity that I absolutely fell in love with was Michael Jackson. I was 10 years old and I was completely hooked on his music and all through junior high school, I knew I was destined to grow up and marry Michael Jackson. I received quite a bit of flack from my friends as they were certain that we would have black and white polka-dotted children. Yeah, right.

I kept a scrapbook of pictures that I cut out of him. Any picture I saw, I had to have for the scrapbook. Some of my friends got on board and gave me some. I had all the posters of Michael up in my bedroom. I still have my Thriller LP. That's right "LP", not tape, not cd. Vinyl.

I felt sorry for him as I grew up. When I see pictures of who he became, I see someone who was unsettled with who he was and endured much negativity in his last years. I prefer to remember him in his glory days and through his music. I dare you to sit still!

My TV dad Top Ten

Ward Cleaver-Beaver's dad. Always kept his cool, never raised his voice.



Andy Taylor-cool, level headed dad. Opie learned the natural consequences to his actions.



Charles Ingalls-always wished he was my father.



Tom Bradford-often the bumbling father of 8 kids. You'd bumble too if you had that many chilluns.



Howard Cunningham-what can you say about him? He was always exasperated with his kids' friends.



Mike Brady-the ultimate step-father.



Eric Camden-I always thought he had a good handle on the teenagers in his household.



Steven Keaton-reformed hippie dad. Tried to play it cool with his kids but always managed to fall flat.



Dan Connor-Lovable but loud. Often his wife was the rule of that roost.



Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable-My all-time favorite TV Dad. Would have liked the Huxtables to adopt this white girl.

This is the best I can do for this father's day. My ultimate father would have a little of all of these dads mixed in. Happy Father's Day.

What I know for sure.......

It's difficult to move forward. Especially when you feel as though people have made an errant assessment of you and your situation. Do I have a duty to go them and explain just how they are wrong? Or, as often as the case may be, do you put your Sunday face back on and go on as though nothing has happened?

I am sure that some of you think that I have absolutely lost my mind. I haven't.

I've ventured to write some of the things that have really bothered me. It was met with silence, laughter, and indifference. So, in that vein, I will save my deepest thoughts for my other venue.

The mask is back on, baby.

A Shakespearean Conundrum

It was an ordinary day to be sure. Much to do in the kingdom and the hour at hand. The Earl of Narcissus was apprised of the distress of his sister, the Countess. His chariot hastened away while the Lady of Sertraline was left to her own devices.

Now, the Lady of Sertraline encouraged the Earl to run hither and yon to the aid of the Countess. Later, in the twilight, the Lady began to ponder. What of the distress of the Lady herself? The Earl of Narcissus has turned the ear of deafness to the Lady of Sertraline's telestial plight!

The scroll of gratitude was received by the Lady of Sertraline and thus continued the Taming of the Shrew.

Sympathy, Compassion, Empathy

Sympathy signifies a general kinship with another's feelings, no matter of what kind. Compassion implies a deep sympathy for the sorrows or troubles of another, and a powerful urge to alleviate distress. Empathy refers to a vicarious participation in the emotions of another, or to the ability to imagine oneself in someone else's predicament.

Webster's College Dictionary
Copyright 2000 by Random House, Inc.

Something I'm looking forward to.

Just me........being me.

In the light of a new day, I find myself feeling worse than I did before my blog post of yesterday. I opened myself up and yet, still, some arrows hit where my armor doesn't cover my heart. I guess it's pretty impossible to sum up 21 and a half years of marriage to one single blog post.

Where I was looking for comfort, I only brought more pain on myself. Dr. Phil has a phrase that he uses often, "You teach people how to treat you." This has perplexed me for some time. Do I get some payoff by pointing out my husband's faults? I don't know the answer to this, since I have only ever sought help.

The Lord does work in mysterious ways. I now know that the reason why I have no parents in my life is because He has wanted me to rely on Him. In the loneliest and darkest moments of my life I can't help but think of Gethsemane. He felt He was forsaken and alone.

I have only ever wanted my whole life was to be loved unconditionally by a mother and a father. It apparently wasn't meant for me in this life and I have sought to provide myself with substitutes. My husband's parents can't fill this need in me although I'm sure they have tried. I still feel like an outsider.

So here I sit, trying to gather my thoughts together in a manner that makes any sense. My heart is heavy and broken. I have to get up. I have to go on. Just like so many other women have done. I am ashamed of myself for revealing too much of.....me. I am weak.