My personal hell

You're looking at what has become my life without my consultation, counsel, or consent. I HATE every bit of it, and that is putting it mildly.

Be very glad that you are not living this.

If I can't help me.........

then I surely have no business trying to help someone else. 

I thought that the experiences that we have in life were for us to learn from and overcome possibly We could then be that fountain of wisdom for someone else who would eventually cross our path, and we would be able to make their load lighter.  Or perhaps, shared our lantern so they could see the way more clearly, offered our hand when they stumbled.

I've recently discovered that I am in no position to be that person.  It would seem more that people are put in our path to glaringly cast a spotlight on all of our mistakes, or administer that all important, "I told you so".
In all of my efforts to make wrong things right, I've set a terrible precedent to those who unwittingly would follow me through no choice of their own.  I've conveyed the message, "I don't think I'm valuable, and you shouldn't value me either".

I know nothing.  In the grand scheme of things.  I don't see myself getting any smarter about anything.  Right now I just feel that everything I've gone through has been for not.