Thanksgiving and other fairy tales

For those of you with a weak stomach where this possibly feminist blog entry is concerned, please feel free to exit........now.

I have had some time to consider this holiday that we call Thanksgiving. I am convinced that quite possibly this was a holiday made up by men, for men. Humor me, won't you? I have spent the better part of two whole days cooking a meal that will more than likely be devoured in 15 minutes flat.

The man of the house's job in all of this? Show up. That's right, all they have to do is show up. These men get to sit in front of the television set or nap all day, whatever suits their particular fancy, and then the little woman announces that the meal is ready. Yep. Show up.

As if standing on your feet and slaving over counters that are way too short for your particular frame wasn't enough, now that the meal is over, YOU get to clean it all up! There are no offers of help. It's like attending a party you never wanted to go to in the first place. You show up, make a little face time, and then you leave.

Christmas is the next big show of the year. It starts the day after Thanksgiving. The little woman is charged with the responsibility of making the home festive. She will be decorating while the men are watching TV or sleeping.

The idea of Festivus is becoming much more appealing to me as the years go by. This is a holiday I might be able to get on board with. You put a plain metal pole, the Festivus pole, in the middle of the room and the participants take turns airing their greivances and reciting their disappointment with family members. Co-stan-za!

Hans Christian Anderson I am not. I'm difficult to speak with too. Happy Holidays, fellas!

Autumn is finally here.

Went for my walk with the doggies tonight, and for the first time it felt a tad brisk. I am LOVING the cooler weather. Oh how I miss the changing of the color of the leaves of my childhood in Washington. Of course, this weather is why people live in Arizona. We live through four months of hell fire just for this, and we never have to shovel the driveway.

I've been thinking alot about my Grandma Hedberg. She died when I was 12 years old at the very young age of 50. I miss her. I loved the holidays when I was young and we would go over to her house to eat. She always used real butter.

My grandma smelled of Pond's cold cream and coffee. I have never drunk coffee, but I absolutely love the smell of it. I use Palmolive dish soap because that was what she used and the smell always brings me back to her kitchen.

She, in my opinion, was the glue that held our extended family together. After she died, no one seems to get together anymore, or talk to each other anymore. It's sad really. I equate the holidays with family and well, I just don't have that. I love watching big families get together and see how they interact with one another. Silently wishing and hoping that it was mine.

I've been trying very hard to be thankful. Even though, most days I have a hard time thinking up something. This has been and is probably one of the worst years of my life.

Anyway, autumn is finally here, and I am thankful for that.

Hacked.......again.

What a shock to revisit my blog after a week of media-freedom only to find it has been hacked into.

I know my blog entries have not been terribly uplifting lately. To be honest, I don't feel terribly uplifting or uplifted for that matter.

I started my blog as a creative outlet. I like to write tales, well whoppers, really. Some of my tales are masked truths that I am not at liberty to come right out and say. To do so would land me in the bishop's office.

I haven't really felt like blogging lately because it seems everything I write is held to a microscope and scrutinized and ultimately, criticized. I really wasn't aware that freedom of speech didn't exist in the blogging world. Don't I feel stupid.

I broke my toe two weeks ago. Fact. It still hurts. Fact. I have a hard time dividing my ideals with my reality. Fact. Therefore, my feelings have a tendency to be worn on my sleeves. For this, to those who take offense, I apologize.

Have a nice day.

The Most Wonderful Wife and Mother Award...

Goes to none other than...

Charmen Johnson!

Congratulations, my love, you earned it.

Lee

And the Bad Mother and Wife of the Year Award goes to......

Yes, it's a select group of women that belong here with me. Oh sure, you don't think this would be you, but you would be wrong about that.

And to think you were going for Best Mother and Wife of the Year. You toiled long hours cleaning your home to spotless perfection only to have it messed up by your ungrateful kids. The nerve. You slaved over a hot meal only to hear, "I don't like that", or "I'm having cereal"!

You spend your day with your endless checklist in your mind's eye, giving yourself a tiny checkmark next to the things that you are able to accomplish as you work your full time paying job. To no avail, there is always something that you didn't do. Oh, you wanted to get it all done, there just isn't enough day and certainly not enough you.

There are no 'thank you's' that come with this award. Just a quick kick in the booty and a helping of 'why didn't you do this?'

Bad Mothers and Wives, unite! Our claim to glory will be "You never did anything and you were never there for me."

Adversity Part Deux

I've been thinking some more. Do you think that the choices we make for ourselves sometimes create adversity and trials for those around us? I've been thinking that some of the trials and adversity that I currently face are not of my own doing.

My wise mother-in-law posted a quote in my comments from my last post, from her sister's blog. "There is in every true woman's heart a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity; but which kindles up, and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity."-Washington Irving.

My thoughts are that that spark is what we commonly refer to as...........rage.

Adversity and Trials

I know. Sometimes I think too much. I have thought about my topic a great deal and this post is merely me trying to sort out my thoughts.

The talks this month in Sacrament meeting and other meetings has been adversity. I looked up adversity in my trusty dictionary; "adverse fortune or fate, misfortune, calamity." Under trial I found, "the act of trying, testing, or putting to the proof."

I have often wondered when considering the trials we all go through, are we comparing apples to apples? Or apples to oranges? Is there such a thing as one person's trial being "worse" than another's? Or is it a perception based on one's life experience?

Am I digging too deep? What is a greater trial? Loss of employment, death of a loved one, money problems, illness? Is there such thing as a greater trial or are they equal in that each has the purpose of refining and we all don't need the same refining?

These are real questions. I would love your input and insight. Feel free to comment now.

And this cannot go unmentioned.

Today is our beloved Beagle, Berkeley's birthday. Berkeley is 5 years old today and yes, he is named after the college. No, I did not go there. I just liked the name. Please don't mistake him for that floppy dog on Sesame Street, "Barkley".

Berkeley has a very befitting name. He is a very good dog, and he loves his Grandma Johnson. Berkeley and I have a very interesting relationship. He has learned to communicate to me what he wants. For instance, when his food dish is empty and he is hungry, he can't very well open the food container and scoop himself a helping. (Something about poseable thumbs?) He will come up to me, tail wagging, with an earnest and wanting look on his face, and give me the slightest "woof".

Now this "woof" could mean several things. First it's "Mom, I have a problem and I need you to help me." I will get up from my desk, and he will most certainly follow, and investigate the food and water situation. If the food dish is empty, I will fill it up. Sometimes though, the food is in the dish it's just that his dish is not in the proper place. A little high falootin' I know, but that's what he likes!

The other night he came and got me to tell me that his water was unacceptable. I went and investigated and there was a live cricket in the water dish. Well, I wouldn't want a cricket in my drink either and what the heck business did that cricket have IN my house? Problem solved and all was right again in the land of Berkeley.

So Berkeley, happy 5th birthday puppy. I know he is no longer a puppy, but we call him one anyway.

It's a boy!

Twenty one years ago, a baby boy was born. Every year I remind him that his birthday was supposed to be July 28th, but he showed up 9 days late for his party!

Andrew had big plans set for this day. He got up this morning and took a trek to the MVD to get his new driver's license. It's all about status, you know. Can't be seen driving around town with a red "under 21" box on the license. People will talk.

Andrew had big plans for the $60,000,000.00 he is sure he is going to win on his first lottery ticket. I told him I don't want him gambling, but, is it bad that he wants to give his father and I 5 mil each?

He has big plans to buy his first gun. Not just any gun. He'll need it someday when his dreams of being a police officer are realized. Now, the cities only need to get more money so that they can hire him. Andrew wants to get his CCW as well. Something about carrying a weapon in public............

It's ironic. All through my children's childhoods, I forbid them any toy guns. But, if you have ever had a boy, they will make a gun out of anything: Legos, clay, cardboard, you name it! So much for learning a healthy respect for guns under my tutelage.

"I'm an adult Dad, I can buy beer." This is what Andrew announced to his father. Followed by, "then I would open it and pour it on the ground!" Stinker.

So, amid all this gun toting, lottery winning, and beer buying and pouring it on the ground, I'm left with a 21 year old son. My how the time flies! I remember his birth as though it happened yesterday. When I see that baby now, I see the man he is becoming. Andrew you are a thoughtful and kind, most wonderful son. I'm so glad Heavenly Father sent you to your Dad and I. Happy Birthday!

Everyone has feelings.

Every year at this time, and days in between, I get melancholy. Refer to my previous post as to why.

I love this picture of Brittany and her baby girl. I call her "our baby girl" because we have shared her with a wonderful family who is raising her well and in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

This picture takes me back to those days, 3 years ago, when our family literally had to cocoon ourselves together away from the pointing fingers and verbal assaults upon our daughter and our family. This picture reminds me of the special time we got to spend with a very special daughter of our Heavenly Father. She was brought here for a purpose, even if that purpose was to touch our lives for a time, and leave us.

This picture reminds me of the great and quiet sacrifice of a young mother.

This picture reminds me of the great love our Father in Heaven and our Savior, Jesus Christ has for all of his children.

My daughter, and her daughter, continue to bring much joy into my heart and into my life. I love the quiet moments I have with my daughter when we talk about "our baby girl".

This picture reminds me of a saying I know. I don't know who said it, "Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay a while, make footprints on our hearts and we are never, ever the same."

I am forever changed.

Happy Birthday, Sweet One.

Happy Birthday beautiful girl! Loving and missing you every day from afar. Thank you for the light you have brought into so many lives. Words do not adequately express what you mean to so many. We love you so much.

Way excited!

Drumroll please! There has been a surge of inquests as to what my new calling is. I am super excited about it! I can hardly wait to get started! It is the ultimate in callings. I am .........would you look at that hangnail? How'd that happen? I lotion my hands everyday. I sure could use a manicure. My cuticles, uugghh.

Oh yes, where were we. My calling! I'm giddy with excitement. I have so much to plan! What? I haven't told you what it is yet? I am the new............doorbell. Wonder who that is? Valynn was gonna come by an hour ago. Avon lady? No. She won't be by until Tuesday. I'll go see.................

It was Valynn. She brought by some stuff. Have you ever seen Forever Strong? Well, she borrowed it from Elizabeth and then she just brought it over to me. I've heard it's really good. Maybe I'll watch that tonight while I fold laundry.

Okay, so where were we? Oh yes, my new calling! Look at this pile of books. I'm so behind on my reading. So much to do, so little time. I think I need a second pair of glasses. I just got these in November. They help alot. Can't seem to read much anymore without them. I'm not really ready to graduate to large print items. We'll save that for when I really need them.

Oh, the laughter of boys. Mark had a sleepover with the Allred boys last night. They are finally waking up. Actually, Valynn woke them up. It's a good thing. Mark's days and nights have been blurred by the long summer break and the absence of a bedtime. We reinstated it, but it's been rough. You know, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink? We can lead Mark to bed by 10:00pm, but we can't make him sleep.

Judge Mathis. The folks on that show must be from somewhere in the ghetto. No, I don't watch it. Background noise. I think I'll change the channel. Or better yet, I'll turn it off. No sense in using perfectly good electricity that can be better used by the air conditioner! Boy, it's sure hot here! Why in the world did my mother move us to the desert? I swore that when I turned 18, I was gonna leave this state for cooler pastures. What? I'm still here.

Hmmmm. Brittany is off today. My back has really been bothering me. I wonder if I could cajole her into giving her mommy a massage today? She'll know by my knots that I'm really in need.

What was this blogpost supposed to about again? Let me scroll back to see where I started. (Pause while I scroll up and re-read.)

I'm back. My calling! I have been selected from a very select group in a very select geographical area to be the new..........activity days leader! This is the cherry of callings. Not only do I get to keep the rapport that I have with the Primary children, but I get to go to Relief Society too. Sweet Momma Moses, I've hit the motherlode! Jealous?

I Know.

So, you keep coming back and checking. I've been on a blog hiatus. Mostly I haven't felt that I've had anything "blogworthy" to post. Here's the long and the short of it.

--It is flipping hot out!! Makes you just not have the desire to do anything.

--Work has been a bear. Or is that a bull? Either way, I've been swamped.

--Still no camera. Period.

--Mark will be heading back to school in about 3 1/2 weeks. He has been enjoying his summer without the benefit of a bedtime. We'll need to remedy that in the next few days so that he can get back on schedule.

--I've gotten a new calling. Can't say what it is yet, since I haven't been sustained over the pulpit. More on that at a later date.

--Family stuff. Can't really delve into the details here either, as it will only serve to humiliate. Been there, done that.

--Friends. Trying to be one and not feeling as though I'm a very good one, but, I'm there for you!

--Brittany got us movie passes through her work to see Harry Potter 6 at 5:30pm the day BEFORE it came out. She had two extra tickets and since we couldn't reach the Allred boys, went over to the folks standing in line for the midnight showing and simply gave them to the first two girls in line. They had been in line since 9pm the night before!

--Andrew, a clean bill of health from his doctor with regard to his toe. All the surgery has been done and he can walk once again!

--Visits from family. Lee's brother Travis and his family came to visit from Washington. My brother and his family will be down at the end of July. His wife's family is having a family reunion......here.......at the end of JULY! Still, I'll be happy to see them.

No rest for the weary. Gotta go for now.

Michael Jackson 1958-2009

I'm fine. Really I am. The first celebrity that I absolutely fell in love with was Michael Jackson. I was 10 years old and I was completely hooked on his music and all through junior high school, I knew I was destined to grow up and marry Michael Jackson. I received quite a bit of flack from my friends as they were certain that we would have black and white polka-dotted children. Yeah, right.

I kept a scrapbook of pictures that I cut out of him. Any picture I saw, I had to have for the scrapbook. Some of my friends got on board and gave me some. I had all the posters of Michael up in my bedroom. I still have my Thriller LP. That's right "LP", not tape, not cd. Vinyl.

I felt sorry for him as I grew up. When I see pictures of who he became, I see someone who was unsettled with who he was and endured much negativity in his last years. I prefer to remember him in his glory days and through his music. I dare you to sit still!

My TV dad Top Ten

Ward Cleaver-Beaver's dad. Always kept his cool, never raised his voice.



Andy Taylor-cool, level headed dad. Opie learned the natural consequences to his actions.



Charles Ingalls-always wished he was my father.



Tom Bradford-often the bumbling father of 8 kids. You'd bumble too if you had that many chilluns.



Howard Cunningham-what can you say about him? He was always exasperated with his kids' friends.



Mike Brady-the ultimate step-father.



Eric Camden-I always thought he had a good handle on the teenagers in his household.



Steven Keaton-reformed hippie dad. Tried to play it cool with his kids but always managed to fall flat.



Dan Connor-Lovable but loud. Often his wife was the rule of that roost.



Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable-My all-time favorite TV Dad. Would have liked the Huxtables to adopt this white girl.

This is the best I can do for this father's day. My ultimate father would have a little of all of these dads mixed in. Happy Father's Day.

What I know for sure.......

It's difficult to move forward. Especially when you feel as though people have made an errant assessment of you and your situation. Do I have a duty to go them and explain just how they are wrong? Or, as often as the case may be, do you put your Sunday face back on and go on as though nothing has happened?

I am sure that some of you think that I have absolutely lost my mind. I haven't.

I've ventured to write some of the things that have really bothered me. It was met with silence, laughter, and indifference. So, in that vein, I will save my deepest thoughts for my other venue.

The mask is back on, baby.

A Shakespearean Conundrum

It was an ordinary day to be sure. Much to do in the kingdom and the hour at hand. The Earl of Narcissus was apprised of the distress of his sister, the Countess. His chariot hastened away while the Lady of Sertraline was left to her own devices.

Now, the Lady of Sertraline encouraged the Earl to run hither and yon to the aid of the Countess. Later, in the twilight, the Lady began to ponder. What of the distress of the Lady herself? The Earl of Narcissus has turned the ear of deafness to the Lady of Sertraline's telestial plight!

The scroll of gratitude was received by the Lady of Sertraline and thus continued the Taming of the Shrew.

Sympathy, Compassion, Empathy

Sympathy signifies a general kinship with another's feelings, no matter of what kind. Compassion implies a deep sympathy for the sorrows or troubles of another, and a powerful urge to alleviate distress. Empathy refers to a vicarious participation in the emotions of another, or to the ability to imagine oneself in someone else's predicament.

Webster's College Dictionary
Copyright 2000 by Random House, Inc.

Something I'm looking forward to.

Just me........being me.

In the light of a new day, I find myself feeling worse than I did before my blog post of yesterday. I opened myself up and yet, still, some arrows hit where my armor doesn't cover my heart. I guess it's pretty impossible to sum up 21 and a half years of marriage to one single blog post.

Where I was looking for comfort, I only brought more pain on myself. Dr. Phil has a phrase that he uses often, "You teach people how to treat you." This has perplexed me for some time. Do I get some payoff by pointing out my husband's faults? I don't know the answer to this, since I have only ever sought help.

The Lord does work in mysterious ways. I now know that the reason why I have no parents in my life is because He has wanted me to rely on Him. In the loneliest and darkest moments of my life I can't help but think of Gethsemane. He felt He was forsaken and alone.

I have only ever wanted my whole life was to be loved unconditionally by a mother and a father. It apparently wasn't meant for me in this life and I have sought to provide myself with substitutes. My husband's parents can't fill this need in me although I'm sure they have tried. I still feel like an outsider.

So here I sit, trying to gather my thoughts together in a manner that makes any sense. My heart is heavy and broken. I have to get up. I have to go on. Just like so many other women have done. I am ashamed of myself for revealing too much of.....me. I am weak.

Not sure if I'm really writing this.

I've typed and deleted this post a thousand times. Hidden behind my "Sunday face" and my constant joking lies the pain that I carry. I have a husband that refuses to help me. I have for 16 years and counting, worked fulltime to offset what he does not make to provide for our family. In addition to this, I have been responsible for taking care of our children, cleaning our home, taking care of our lawn, and taking care of the dogs.

As I type this, he is asleep. When I am working he is either watching television, sitting at the computer, or sleeping. I am fairly certain that the fact that I am actually writing this will serve to strain relationships that are probably conditional at best.

I was advised that I needed to find out what it was like for my husband to have to work for a living back when I got a job. It was supposed to be temporary. Because my husband has all of the familial support in our marriage, my woes have fallen on deaf ears. I have been advised to "be patient" and to just be grateful that I even have a husband.

I guess I am ungrateful. I'm not happy. My husband refuses to change. Listening to talks in church about being cheerful and long suffering are just plain cruel. How long suffering does one need to be when they realize that they don't have a partner?

People think we have this great marriage. It's not. I sure made it look that way though. I'm not perfect nor do I in any way feel that I am. I have perfected the art of lying and blaming everything on his stroke.

My brother is waiting on my decision to come and stay with him.

My boy is in training.

I see that you all still keep checking my blog, probably wondering, "Is she ever going to post something?". Don't get your panties in a bunch. I have been avoiding the news for the last two weeks to see if it would have a more positive effect on my mood. It is nice to live in oblivion, free from murders and the state of the economy. What is the DOW up to these days? Never mind, I don't really want to know.

As I was logging on to check my email (I guess I missed going to the cannery for my order), this little treat popped across my screen:



After his little "bong" incident, he has served his suspension from training and is now back in the pool! Swimming is so much more exciting with Michael Phelps around. I don't know what's with the dude next to him, his suit makes it look like he is quite possibly swimming in the nude. I'll pass, thank you very much.

Other than this, there isn't much going on in the Johnson household. As Mark says, "there are only 3 and 1/2 more days of school left!" Mark has been eager to express his individuality and independence as of late. He wants his hair to be longer, because that's how the boys are wearing it these days. I compromised by letting it go until after the last day of school, and then SNIP SNIP! I'll post before and after shots of this next week.

Mother's Day was pretty blah. Refer to last years' post on my feelings about that. Although, I had fun making Brit a Mother's Day gift. Yes, we do honor her as well as it is a difficult day for her.

The heat is on and so is the air conditioner. Bills, bills, and more bills. I think I need a utility stimulus check for the summer. Do you think Obama would buy it?

What a couple of weeks.

I suppose it's high time that I published something for my readership. You know how it is, you just get busy. Since my last post, I was preparing mentally and physically to go to Women's Conference. It takes so much preparation to leave your family behind and go do something.

I went to Women's Conference with Elizabeth, Valynn, and Julee. Together we comprise the Primary presidency for the Baywood Ward of the Skyline Stake. We prearranged for the Stake Primary presidency to fill in for us, as we would be traveling home on Sunday.

We left on Wednesday morning and stayed at my uncle in-law's place in Springville. He was an excellent host and we were very comfortable there for what little time we spent there. The conference was on Thursday and Friday. We were exhausted as we hoofed it all over the BYU campus to get to the various classes. We lost an hour going to Utah. What a precious gift when we got that hour back when we got home!

Saturday we did the SLC thing. It pretty much rained all day, but we didn't care. We did a session at the Salt Lake Temple, ate lunch at the Joseph Smith building, and perused the shops around Temple Square.

All in all, we had a great time. Then, I got home.



I have begged, cried, wailed, and pleaded that somehow, someday I could come home from somewhere and that my family (read: husband) would bless me with the glorious gift of having filled my place so seamlessly that it would not require me to spend the next week cleaning up what was bequeathed to me. Am I asking too much? I think not since I also had to make up for the 3 days of work that I missed as well.

Heaven help me.

While I was away, the mouse was at play.

This is Charmen. Yes, the Charmen you all know and love reporting back for her very own blog duty. It would appear that my husband, Lee, (we will from this moment forward refer to him as "The Hacker") has the capability of breaking into my blog. He will not tell me how he did it; some IT secret. What is the point of a password, HE changed it!

The Hacker was informed by myself to not let anyone know that I had been to the hospital (again!) for the same 4mm pain in the kidney. Okay, I didn't know it at the time, I just knew I was in severe pain. I couldn't stand up without, how shall we say this delicately, holding myself in an inappropriate in public manner? You weren't there! You don't know! I had to try and do SOMETHING to counter the pain!

Enter Brittany. I love this girl and trust her with my life. I couldn't get The Hacker on the phone, so I call my trusty daughter and she came and saved the day. The Reader's Digest version of the "Rest of the Story" is simply this. I was admitted to have the stone surgically removed and darn it all if 1 hour prior to the procedure, that little monster was ejected from the premises. It now sits at the kidney stone museum for young moms and dads to take the young ones to see and use as a cautionary tale.

I would like to express my deep thankfulness to those who visited me, called me, texted me, and quite frankly put up with me. I am grateful for the love and concern of family and friends. It sure makes going through the sucky things in life much more manageable. You are all my "angels". Thank you.

P.S. I've already forgiven The Hacker. He's kind of cute, don't you think?

...and this too, shall pass...

Charmen is out of the hospital!

Her kidney stone decided to pass afterall.

Whoo hoo!

The men are in charge!

Allow me to introduce myself. I am Lee. Yes, the Lee that Charmen is always bragging about: Lee snores, Lee cusses, Lee will not take the trash out...

My wonderful bride of these many years, is ailing, but she does not want anyone to know. So, in this vane, if you do not know Charmen or do not want to know she is sick, please close your browser now.

Those in the know, know that Charmen has a kidney stone. Darn if that thing just will not pass peacefully. She is currently in the hospital getting yet another CT scan to see where it is. She will likely be spending the night at the hospital at Higley and the 60; Banner Gateway, Banner Another Banner Hospital, Look There's Another Banner Hospital, or something like that.

To her friends, these are the gals that know how to play Bunco and may have scored a bunco or two on her, she could use a friendly call to cheer her up. I will not give out her cell phone number here, you will need to call me at home or just show up to the hospital.

Remember, Lee did not say anything, he just cracked a password or two.

Poor me

I suppose this is the cosmos exacting revenge for my incredibly cruel (to my son, Mark) April Fools' prank. The pains started about a week and a half ago. A little twinge here, an hour of pain there. It would always relent though. Then came 8:00pm last Thursday evening. The pain hit yet again and this time decided to stay, so I left for the ER.

Yes, it's a stone. About 4mm in size. Nothing too cute, of course. The mention of the word "stone" conjurs to the mind a rock with smooth surfaces, glistening in the sunlight as the creek water rushes over it. Google "pictures of kidney stones" and see how scary they can really be!

I had made a promise, written in blood, that I would never go through this experience ever again in life! The first and last kidney stone I had was the same one. I was 7 months pregnant with Mark, nearly 14 years ago and this one was the size of an M&M. A plain chocolate one, not the peanut or almond ones. Anyone ever notice that they tend to compare it with something so inocuous that it sounds like it should be a pleasant experience? I ended up with a nephrostomy tube in my kidney for 3 months!

What is a nephrostomy you ask? Well, this is what they do when there is a little bambino in the oven and they can't do anything else to/for you. They insert a tube through your back, and stop every few millimeters to ultrasound where the tube is, until it is inserted in the kidney. Let me just say, that this is done with no anesthesia and hurts like a very hot place.

The tube is attached to a little pouch that is connected to a very cute, stretchy "belt" that is worn under the shirt and fills up with your, you guessed it, urine! Anytime I went shopping I was afraid that the store security would think I was shoplifting and that I would, at some point, get to lift up my shirt and show them my cache of stolen goods.

Right now I have four prescriptions added to my daily routine. One of the prescriptions, Flomax, is routinely prescribed to men with enlarged prostates. Are we trying to tell me something? Brittany has been having a little fun with me and saying that I may come out with a lower voice when all is said and done.;)

I've got to go now. I need to make a quick run to the store and buy a "tea strainer".

Naughty

I'm naughty. I admit it. I've played a very cruel joke and now my son is mad at me. I got a phone call from my husband today asking if I was pregnant, to which I emphatically assured him to the negative. He didn't quite believe me at first; maybe I am a better liar than previously thought.

Mark read my blog post from yesterday this afternoon and had become very excited about the prospect of having a baby brother or sister. He was mad at me when I explained my April Fool's joke. I had no idea that this was something that he desired in his life.

I'm naughty.

Excuse me, I need to sit down for this one.

Okay where to begin. You all know that I have been sick right? I had been feeling really run down and low energy prior, so I had to have my "levels" checked. I just got my results.

I have always said that I never wanted to have children spaced so far apart that the oldest ones are already moved out or close to moving out. It seems wierd to have siblings that have never lived together, but nonetheless are. Anyone know where I'm going with this? It's too hard for me to say it. I thought I had learned to "never say never", because that's just like asking for it.

How do you start completely over again? I don't have anything! Oh, and the rest of the story is how do I tell Lee? He thinks we're done!

My apologies

My apologies for the last post. I think I got a little too depressed and probably shouldn't have blogged at that particular moment in time. However, I want to thank those who left comments; your words of encouragement proved to be the elixir needed. I'm finally over being sick, I actually ate breakfast today!

It's funny how laughter can change everything, and yes, I'd rather laugh than mope.

Our neighborhood community is having a garage sale this upcoming weekend. Yes, I know it's conference weekend, but I'm only participating on Saturday. I'm hoping to have some success with selling some of our stuff as it will enhance the, "I want my sectional now" fund. I've already picked it out. So, here's hoping I make more money than it would cost to have lunch at Taco Bell.

Maybe if I bring the television out to the garage and have conference on, that could be a selling point?

No title.

I've been sick this last week. Being sick, I don't tend to see the positive in life very well. Fallout from my childhood, I suppose. I don't enjoy being sick or enjoy being around people who are sick.

I'm considering shutting down my blog. I'm not as clever as I thought I was and it's too hard for me not to want to vent here. I don't have little kids at home that do cute little kid things, so what to blog about?

Life was easier when my kids were little. I didn't think so then, but I do now. I love my kids. I just don't know how to love some of the decisions that they make. Heavenly Father must think I can handle a lot more than I can. I beg to differ here.

Too much of my life has been defined by loss and the deep yearning for what I have never had. I'm not talking about material things, just things that most people have and take for granted that they have it. And it makes me mad that for whatever reason, it has been withheld from me.

Things that make you go..........Hhmmmmmmmmmmmm

I have a few queries to pose to my general public. Have you ever been "un" friended on Facebook? If someone accepted your friend request and then a few weeks down the road unfriends you, what does that mean?

What is the best way to make a major life change? Like a bandaid, pulling one little hair off at a time, or right off?

Pitted olives have no pits, so why are they "pitted"?

There has been a lot of talk about domestic violence in light of the Chris Brown/Rihanna incident. Why, in your experience, do you think women go back to men like this?

I'd just like to know your thoughts. Thanks.

Progress

I think I'm making some progress in my vow to play more. The last two nights (after 10:30pm, mind you) I have stayed up late with Mark at my side as we have played games on Facebook. So, if you were to happen upon my wall, please know that I haven't a clue about anything Spongebob, Star Wars or Trek, Family Guy, or Harry Potter. That's all Mark! He is helping my overall score though. Me? I'm a little partial to the 80's song quizzes and Friends quizzes.

Today was my first real play day for Mark's spring break extravaganza. Up to this point I have been working like a maniac and cleaning carpet and in general, spring cleaning. The dust bunnies were multiplying as fast as the bunnies in the neighborhood, so I had to forge ahead with my abatement process. The vacuum cleaner has had quite a workout, not that I mind that. I LOVE to vacuum!

Anyway, back to the play. Mark and I got up this morning at the ripe early time of, oh, 9:30am. And that was only because Lee called and woke me up. Mark, I still had to wake up so that we could hit the JB's breakfast buffet before they closed up shop on that at 11:00am.

We then mosied over to the Big Lots and Dollar Tree to see what kind of deals they had. Spent a grand total of $12.00. We went home to let the dogs out for a bit, then Brittany joined us (it's her day off, and by the way, she LOVES her new job!). We went bowling, cruised the mall, visited my sectional, looked at cute puppies, and ate crap. It was fantastic!

Yes, I think I am making progress.

I miss you, Andrew.

So, it took me a bit of convincing to get Andrew out to our place for his father's birthday celebration. What with the long drive from Peoria and the fancy boot that he wears for his owie toe, I did finally do just that. I haven't seen him since New Years and his hair has turned a lot darker! It's turned a deep dark brown with some deep red highlights (wonder where he got those from?)

It's been a hard adjustment for me to let my older two grow up and out of our home. They are so fiercely independent. I have to remind myself that this is what I wanted for them, but at the same time missing the days when I could make everything all better.

I love you and miss you Andrew. And so does Riley.

Ride 'em Cowboy!

"You've had a birthday shout hooray!"
"We want to sing to you today,"
"One year older and wiser too,"
"Happy Birthday (CLAP) to you!"

Guess who had a birthday? I got a delicious idea from Joanne Asburry in January to take my beloved to Texas Roadhouse for his birthday, after she told me about the big howdy do that they do for birthday boys and girls.

They have this saddle.........



...........and they yell in a very loud and cowboy (in this case, cowgirl) fashion, so that the whole restaurant can hear and participate, that Lee is having his 43rd birthday today and can we all give him a "YEEHAW!" So, everyone, myself included gives him the yeehaw. It took quite a bit of doing to get my man on the saddle in the first place. Can you believe he was going to act like an "Old Fart" and not do it? Thankfully, I had these guys here to help me convince him....



Thank you Andrew and Mark for your very persuasive tactics! I made Lee a "manly" necklace at Jewelry night the night before (he's wearing it in the picture), and purchased him some new smell from our friendly neighborhood Avon lady. All in all, I think he had a good day, but you wouldn't guess from this picture.......



Happy Birthday Cowboy!

Three, three wonderful children.....agh, agh, agh! (read: The Count from Sesame Street)

Did I mention I have three wonderful children? They have been busy being their wonderful selves, let me tell you. We'll start with this last Sunday evening.

I was tired as usual. (We have the 1-4:00pm shift for church) Primary can be exhausting like that when you have church at nap time. Anyway, I know that 5:00pm is a little late in the day to be laying down, when bedtime is not so far away. Needless to say, I snoozed anyway. I was awakened by my wonderful son, Mark. Mark had made dinner and it was ready. He made what we call "Tater tot stuff". I just was overwhelmed by my feelings of love and gratitude for him. I couldn't stop hugging him all night.

I told him I was going to gush on my blog about him, he said it was okay. Notice I have no picture, I need: A. a new camera and B. new batteries for my old one.

Enter yesterday. I had worked an all-nighter the night before and my neck and shoulders were wound up in such a knot that I had no hope of recovering from it on my own. (Picture here a woman shackled to her desk and staring intently at the pile of paperwork and computer screen in front of her.) I was having trouble turning my head either direction, but who should come to my rescue? Magic hands herself, Brittany.

Brittany started working on me and asks, "Mother, what have you been doing?!" She then gently scolds me to not work so hard, do stretching exercises, etc. What can I say? She's a miracle healer, I feel great today! She has been working at Massage Envy for a week now and has gotten nothing but compliments from her customers. I asked her if she believes me now when I say she has magic hands, to which she replied, "Yes".

Owee toe Andrew? He's still hobbling and providing me with his brand of comic relief. He's antsy for his full mobility to return. I just tell him that he has something wonderful to look forward to on March 29th, Riley's first birthday party. All of his dog friends are invited, it will be the soiree of the season!

Wii, wii, wii all the way home.

Okay. I've had what Oprah might call a light bulb moment. I never really even realized that I had a problem until last night. You see, I was invited to attend a Bachelor finale get together last night with a bunch of other gals in the ward. Now, mind you, I have not even watched one episode of the Bachelor, but I was wanting to hang out and have a good time.

I was born a grown up. Always had a lot of responsibility and no time for play or watching television, as most kids are accustomed in their formative years. I never have liked cartoons or what most would consider childish things. I never had Barbies or a bike or ever went to Disneyland. I still have never seen most movies that some would consider an elemental part of growing up. ie: Mary Poppins, Sound of Music, etc.

Dry your eyes. Last night as I arrived at the Twilley's home, Jared and Michelle were playing Tetris on the Wii. For me it was the sweetest sight, but at the same time realizing, "I never do this." I don't play enough. I don't play. Jared tried to show me how to play the game, but for all I was worth at it, I might as well have been born a dog without poseable thumbs.

So, the moral of this story is this. I have learned that there is more to life than all business. Sure, I laugh a lot and make jokes constantly, but that is just my cover to hide what is lacking in me. I have learned that I take the phrase in my patriarchal blessing "Life is not easy, nor was it ever meant to be" as an absolute in everything I do. I forget to see the joy.

I am going to challenge Mark to a game of bowling on the Wii when he gets home from school.

Has this little vandal met my Lee?

Sometime after Bunko on Wednesday night and before Mark left for school on Thursday morning, our little truck was assaulted.





Really?! Just whose canvas does this little punk think he painted on? As his wife, I can personally attest that he is so NOT gay! This was just so creative, so, so original. Note to punk: A little WD-40 and some elbow grease and your artwork has been eradicated. Take that you little hoodlum wannabe!

Making more money than me......

Brittany just celebrated 3 years of working for Domino's Pizza on Valentine's Day. She just gave her two weeks notice because.........she is now going to be working as a Massage Therapist at Massage Envy at Superstition Gateway! Straight out of the gate, my girl will be making nearly a dollar more an hour than I do! :) Of course, I am pleased beyond words. We always want our kids to do better than ourselves, and she has at the ripe young age of 19. Congratulations baby girl!

Owee Toe

My poor baby. He hurt his toe at work. He was chasing after a 'perp'. He tripped on a curb. He got up and continued chasing said 'perp'. He caught 'perp'. My poor baby's toe is fractured in a few places and will need surgery.

Got that right!

You Are a Visionary

You tend to be the rock in relationships - people depend on you. Thoughtful and caring, you often put others needs first. You aren't content to help those you know... you want to give to the world. An idealist, you strive for positive change and dream about how much better things could be. Your strength: Your intuition Your weakness: You put yourself last Your power color: Rose Your power symbol: Cloud Your power month: June

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

If this just isn't me to a T! Thanks Shellee. What about you?