Life goes on.

I am heavy at heart today. President Gordon B. Hinckley, the 15th president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, passed away yesterday evening. I had never met President Hinckley personally, but I felt like I knew him. He always seemed so personable and "real" to me. I felt like he understood the struggles that we have as Latter-Day Saints in this world.

I will miss his sweet sense of humor. I will miss his addressing us in conference. Whenever President Hinckley spoke and encouraged us to "be a little better", I always felt that I could. I wanted to. I am encouraged by the fact that he is reunited with his sweet, cute wife. I loved his wife so much. I always thought that those two were the cutest couple alive. I love the video of the mothers and daughters of the First Presidency, it's so funny. We have lost our dear prophet only for a season, we will surely continue to be blessed as we follow the example of his life and his ministry. Godspeed President Gordon B. Hinckley.

I had another friend pass away yesterday morning. Her name was Sharon Schafer. I have known Sharon for about 15 years. We met at work and at first I thought that she didn't like me. I came to know later that it was my office mate that she didn't care too much for. That was Sharon. She was a twice divorced woman who never had any children but, she always had a dog. She loved her dogs like children. I wonder how Tucker is doing now that his Mom is gone.

Sharon lived a very unassuming life and didn't venture out of her comfort zone too much to let people get to know her. I made her my personal friend by including her in my life as much I possibly could. Sharon was diagnosed with multiple myeloma almost two years ago to the day. She was very afraid of the diagnosis and more afraid that she would die. This all came about as we were having struggles in our own family. I decided to serve Sharon as best I could by taking her to doctor's appointments, hospital procedures, lab work, grocery store, pharmacy, you name it. I wanted her to feel that she was not alone and that people did indeed care for her. Now, let me qualify that by saying that Sharon didn't make that easy as she was fiercely independent. She didn't want to impose or have to say that she needed help. She was, however, always grateful for the help that she did receive.

Many times I had the opportunity to assure her that she indeed had a Heavenly Father that loved her. I'm not sure that she believed it since she felt like she was being punished for something that she did. Sharon didn't grow up religous and I had the opportunity to share with her the gospel at different times. She ultimately rejected it but didn't want to tell me because she thought that she would offend me.

Long story short, I had been thinking about Sharon all weekend thinking that I needed to call her and planned to do so this morning. I hadn't talked to her in a couple of weeks. Sharon would have been 63 in the next few weeks. I take comfort in knowing that she is free from the pain and that she finally has the opportunity to reconcile with her mother and get to know her Heavenly Father and know how much He loves her.

Life goes on.

I don't feel good, Mom.

Berkeley had his well Beagle checkup today. He was due for his Bordatella and Dhhp shots. As always, and everywhere we go, Berkeley is noticed for his exceptional cuteness. He had a different doctor today, Dr. Anna Cortinas. She just was so enamored of Berkeley.

I think Berkeley was enjoying the attention until he was violated by a rectal thermometer and taken for blood work and his shots. He wasn't so in love after this. As with any child who has to have shots, he wasn't his lively self for the rest of the day.

The doctor gave him some new rawhides, which he likes, but cries everytime he has one. Daddy bought him a new t-shirt that says "Go Fetch Yourself". He's a healthy 3 year old Beagle who has lost five pounds! Oh, the envy! Anyway, he pretty much did this for the rest of the day:

Happy Birthday Little Big Bro

This is a picture of my brother Nathan and I when we were just wee ones. We are only 12 months and eleven days apart in age.

He's my little big brother because he's younger than me and then taller than me. So I guess that would actually make him my Little Big Brother! Today is his 39th birthday!

Nathan was born in humble circumstances in Washington state on January 17, 1969. I'm not sure if he was disappointed that he already had a sister. Nevertheless, Nathan and I have always been very close.

This is my brother Nathan at his Junior prom. I remember being very upset and jealous that night as I was not asked to go and it was my Senior year.

This is the one and only date he went on in High School. Isn't she lovely?

This one is my brother's mission photo. He went on a Spanish speaking mission to Washington D.C. Nathan was the very first member of our family to serve a mission.

Isn't he handsome?

This is my brother's engagement photo. Do you recognize the gal in the picture? Yes, he got home from his mission, dated a couple of girls, no one that he fancied though. He decided to one day look this gal up and see if she was available. She had been engaged but had broken it. Nathan Murray and Shawna Brimley were married!

This is Nathan and Shawna and their four beautiful children: Calista, Jocelyn, Victoria, and Bradford, better known by their four letter monikers Cali, Josi, Tori, and Brad.

My brother is a successful interior designer and architect. I always knew that he would be succesful at his chosen profession.

And this is my dear brother Nathan and his family today. Aren't they the most fetching people that you have ever seen? Nathan, I am so proud of you. You are a wonderful brother, son, father, and husband that anyone could wish for. The proof is in the pudding, you are all beautiful! Happy Birthday!

This Just In......Bunco got Sauced!

Just when you need to have your camera on you, you don't. Let's put on our imagination caps and picture, shall we? I play Bunco on the 3rd Wednesday of each month with a great group of girls (okay, we're ladies, but girls sounds younger). Celeste Hatch hosted at her home and her little fellas were in the back bedroom with her husband. Well, the littlest fella, Sandler is his name, couldn't resist coming out to see what the ruckus we were making was all about.

So, we're well into our current round of Bunco when cans start to fall out of the pantry cupboard. Crash!! A jar of barbecue sauce falls out and breaks open onto the floor! We all run to help and there is this curious looking 3 year old, sitting in the cupboard on a shelf. I think he was looking for a snack, but he found himself in trouble instead! Anyway, Celeste calls for her husband to show him the "evidence". He came out and looked at the mess and turned around and went back in the back room.

Now, this reminded me of a time, about 19 years, 5 months, and 1 week ago to the day. Imagine me with a 3 day old newborn. I was changing a diaper and my husband was asleep in the next room. The diaper contained that meconium yuck. I am changing the diaper and the baby is still "pooping". I am running out of hands and washclothes, so I call out for help. My husband, Lee, my love, came out and stood in the doorway, looked at what I was doing. I told him I needed some assistance and could he get me some more washclothes. THE MAN had the nerve to just go back to bed and go back to sleep!

So, Celeste, don't be embarrassed, we all have a tale to tell, and sometimes the husband doesn't always come off looking too good. We had a great time!

The China and/or Platinum Anniversary

Yes, ladies and gentleman, on January 16, 1988, a beautiful young bride married a handsome husband. Twenty years ago! Weren't we cute? Some people may wonder who the man in the picture with me is. Some accuse that it is my "first" husband. Nope, that's my honey, Lee! Don't you just love that mustache?

We met in January of 1987 at a Young Single Adult dance at the "old" ASU institute building. I had come to the dance with someone else, but, we decided that we would dance with other people. Fine with me. A slow song came on and couples were paring off onto the dance floor. I hadn't been asked yet, (But I looked smoking hot that night, guys were just scared of my height!) but I saw this guy I had never seen before standing there and looking around like a lost puppy. I thought he was cute, so I nonchalantly sauntered over to where he was and stood in front of him with my back to him. (There was no way he couldn't notice me, I had big 80's hair!)

I thought that if he saw me he would ask me to dance. He did and he did.

Now, at this point in my life, I had no intention of ever being married or having children. I felt I was predisposed to being an old spinster and going out as a Miss Havisham type character with the old wedding dress and the petrified cake. Yes, I was only 19, but, I didn't want to have a bunch of marriages like my mom.

Fast forward twenty years: I have the husband, the three children, the house, the dog, and the block wall fence. (They just don't do white picket in the subdivisions.) So in tribute to our 20 years, here is what we have learned or appreciate about each other:

1. We can't both be in a grouchy mood at the same time.

2. There isn't much of anything that a bouquet of roses can't fix.

3. You always have a built in date for weddings, funerals, office parties, stake conference, office picnics, hospital, ER, and the occasional movie.

4. Men get softer as the years go by. I don't mean soft to the touch, but, sometimes they cry when they watch "Extreme Home Makeover".

5. My husband can look at me first thing in the morning, with the eye goopies, the unbrushed teeth, and the messy hair and declare, "You're so beautiful." (What, is he crazy?)

6. My heart still skips a beat when I see him after a long day.

7. So many friends thought we wouldn't last because we were so young, to them we say, "raspberries to you!" (Put thumbs in ears and wave for good measure.)

8. Knowing I get the privilege of being with this man forever. Does that mean he's absolutely perfect? No. But then, neither am I, and we're still here for each other.

9. There is only this one other person who knows all of my secrets, fears, and hopes and dreams.

10. Time goes by quickly. I mean really, twenty years already? I still feel like I should be a newlywed!

11. He likes me, he really likes me!

12. Mortal life is bumpy. (Duh!)

13. Dancing....not just a dating tool. Some of us actually went to the dances because we really loved to dance.

14. Knowing that my beloved will laugh at number 13.

15. It is a good idea to marry young. You are not so set in your ways and you can change and grow together.

16. Love means saying you are sorry.

17. We look forward to sitting on the porch with a gaggle of grandchildren.

18. Twenty years later I still see the same cute young man that I saw 21 years ago across that dance floor.

19. I couldn't be married to anyone else.

20. I love my husband, and I am happy to be married to him. He is my rock when I am jelly. He is the brown sugar on my oatmeal. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I love you Lee.

The closet is open....

Last night I went and made some more jewelry at Michele Gagnon's home. She has a night, usually once a month, where she opens her home and her beads and expertise to all of us who like to have fun and a bit of adult conversation.

The cast of characters: Michele G.,Mindy Lamb, Michelle Crockett, Jenny Evans, Barbie Jones, Paula Larsen, and myself. The evening started at 7:00pm. We all got to work on our respective "projects" for the evening. It's definitely a great way to get to know each other better as some of our idiosynchratic behaviors come out, most especially when it gets later.

Paula went out at about 10:00pm to get us various treats from Jack in the Box and/or Wendy's. I personally had a small chocolate frosty. From this point on, it became a virtual laugh fest. We have decided we really love "Midnight Mindy" and you just may have to ask Jenny Evans to do her "I'm stuck in my dress" skit! We had a hilarious time. We quoted from various Saturday Night Live and In Living Color characters. I also found myself in a room with fellow "Friends" lovers! We wrapped at nearly 1:00am this morning.

It was great getting to know you wonderful sisters better. It is a comfort to know that we are much more alike than we are different and that a lot of the struggles we have and don't show to others are privately affecting us the same. I can't wait til next month!

40, 4T, For tea, Fort E, Four-Tee, Fourty?

They say there are five stages of grief:

Denial (This can't be happening, it's not real)

Anger (Lashing out, "How can this happen!")

Bargaining (Please just give me some more time, I'll be better, I promise!)

Depression (Why God, Why Me?)

Acceptance (I can get through this, sniff sniff)

Well, I've made it through the five stages, I can now move on with my life. I thought I would make a list of 40 things that I think are pretty great about being 40:

1. I definitely don't look my age. For these genes I am grateful.

2. I can't believe I have lived for 40 years! I just graduated high school for crying out loud!

3. My husband thinks I'm still pretty darn cute.

4. I like the person I am becoming. Yeah I know it's been a long time coming.

5. I wake up every morning, pinch myself, and exclaim, "I'm still here!"

6. Everything still works.

7. I'm a pretty darn good cook, if I do say so myself.

8. I've got three great kids!

9. Yes, they're real, and they're spectacular.

10. I have an awesome house (and one I'm still trying to get sold!)

11. I have a great son, Mark, who is now annoying me, "Are you done yet, Mom?"

12. I can eat dessert in place of a meal if I want and I don't get in trouble.

13. I'm much more confident than I was in my 20's. (yeah, where did those go?)

14. I am not a slave to the latest fashion.

15. 40 is the new 25, right?

16. I can still kick butt on my speed walks. (4.5 mph thank you very much)

17. Billy Blanks still kicks my butt.

18. No one is calling me honey or sweetie pie yet.

19. I'm still too young to get carded for the senior discount.

20. The gals at work still call me "kid".

21. Oh my, this is harder than I thought.

22. I still have really good eyesight, (only I've heard that it changes some time after 40)

23. I have some really great friends who are supportive and trustworthy.

24. If I died tomorrow, there would probably be a lot of people at my funeral.

25. It has gotten a lot easier to say no. (Disclaimer: Only when necessary)

26. I still can't sit still when a bumpin' tune comes on the radio.

27. My husband is still too young for me to call him "Old man". (Uh yah, he don't like it.)

28. My kids keep me young. They make me laugh and laugh at me.

29. I do not have to eat lima beans or brussels sprouts.

30. If you think about it, half of my life might not yet be over.

31. I will never have to dye my hair. Again, good genes in this area too.

32. A certain comfortability with my nose. I'm too chicken that some MD would make it worse.

33. Living in the moment. Don't look too far ahead, you'll miss right now.

34. Recognizing that I am not perfect, and it's okay.

35. Stay with me, we're almost there.

36. Life is hard.

37. Simple things like a perfect sunrise can make you happy to be alive.

38. Knowing that I don't know everything.

39. Having a husband who thinks I am perfect. (Poor delusional man)

40. I am only beginning my fourties. I have a decade before I have to worry about fifty.

You can all wake up now. I don't think I'll attempt this sort of list again. I hope I haven't bored you to tears, but, it really isn't bad. Check me at 45.