Where do I go from here?

School is back in session.  Mark started his Senior year!  My baby!  This time next year he'll be gone on his mission.  He just completed his Eagle project a couple weeks ago and will be an Eagle Scout before the year is out.  Actually, it will be before December 5th, when he turns 18.  That last sentence was hard to write.

I am very aware of my "lasts" this year.  My last child.  All of my kids grew up way too fast.  It's hard to know what I do next.  I love being a mother.  Raising my kids, I was never more sure of who I was and what I was to be doing.

Now, I'm in a bit of a panic. 

This really has been a terrible year. I was sick for the first part of it, then my husband quit his job.  He got a new one and has been working there for about 6 weeks now.  While I've felt my Heavenly Father watching over me, I've also felt that the other shoe is about to drop.  My sense of security is no longer.  Am I responsible for that? 

I've looked into going to school, but there's just no way working a full time job.  And at this point, what would school prepare me for?  More debt?  I'd like to be able to do some of the things that I've put off while I was raising my children.  Of course, some of it I'll have to let go of entirely as I'm now too old to pursue some of those items on my bucket list.

Too bad you can't go back in time.  There are a few things I would have done differently.