I was having a very candid conversation with a young woman that I care for more than my own life last night. I was left feeling pretty angry. No, she didn't make me angry, but, every other girl that she ever knew did.
Okay, not every girl. Just the ones who, through their own Machvellian machinations, made her feel less than. The ones who couldn't just quietly go about their existence without making her feel bad about who she was.
The movie "Mean Girls" was based on a book by Rosalind Wiseman entitled "Queen Bees and Wannabes". I own this book and have been enlightened to the phenomenon of Girl World yet, at the same time, infuriated by it. I had always thought that as a fellow sufferer, I could somehow change my own daughter's experience in the world because I was so aware of it.
Turns out, I couldn't and I didn't. Those same girls found their way to make my own daughter's life a living hell and change everything that I had tried to teach her about who she was and is. I HATE those girls!!! Yes, I said hate. I mean it.
I was made fun of for just about everything you can imagine from a very young age. It is easy to see where if you hear this daily, you would come to believe that it somehow must be true. ie..."Mom tells me I'm beautiful, but all of these girls say I'm ugly and make fun of me, so Mom must be lying."
I know that my daughter has gone through some very ugly experiences in her short life. I, too, have gone through very ugly experiences. The question is, how do you reconcile what has happened and still come out okay? How do you get to the other side when people judge you when your response isn't what they would have chosen? Or they think you should just "get over it"?
Please pause while I step up on my soapbox. To all of you who escaped a childhood unmarked by trauma, goodie for you!!! I'm sure there is a medal in it for you somewhere. To the rest of you, shame on you. SHAME on you! Moms, stay plugged in. You may think as your children get older that they need you less, they don't. It's a pack of rabid, wild dogs out there and if you're not careful, someone's going to get hurt.
2 years ago
3 comments:
I worry about this already. It has always been important to me that my children are respectful, honest and polite, but these seem to be the kids that get picked on the most because they haven't been taught the "art" of belittling, lying and humiliating others. It seems like it is picked or be picked on out there. This is when I think the thing to do is home school, but then I figure you can't escape it. Let me know if you figure out what to do.
I'm glad that you, from a mom's perspective, have loved your daughter. I still remember the mean things that mine said to me and even though I've moved on, it's done a lot to give me a thick skin when I need it.
I have always felt that there is good in all people, even though sometimes, you have to REALLY search.
I have figured that my daughter will always need me on her side no matter what people say or do. I am her #1 fan and that will never change.
I guess we all have to stick up for our children at times. Heavenly Father loves all of us. We must remember we are His sons and daughters, and we have an Elder Brother who loves us very much, too. We love all of you.
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