I've typed and deleted this post a thousand times. Hidden behind my "Sunday face" and my constant joking lies the pain that I carry. I have a husband that refuses to help me. I have for 16 years and counting, worked fulltime to offset what he does not make to provide for our family. In addition to this, I have been responsible for taking care of our children, cleaning our home, taking care of our lawn, and taking care of the dogs.
As I type this, he is asleep. When I am working he is either watching television, sitting at the computer, or sleeping. I am fairly certain that the fact that I am actually writing this will serve to strain relationships that are probably conditional at best.
I was advised that I needed to find out what it was like for my husband to have to work for a living back when I got a job. It was supposed to be temporary. Because my husband has all of the familial support in our marriage, my woes have fallen on deaf ears. I have been advised to "be patient" and to just be grateful that I even have a husband.
I guess I am ungrateful. I'm not happy. My husband refuses to change. Listening to talks in church about being cheerful and long suffering are just plain cruel. How long suffering does one need to be when they realize that they don't have a partner?
People think we have this great marriage. It's not. I sure made it look that way though. I'm not perfect nor do I in any way feel that I am. I have perfected the art of lying and blaming everything on his stroke.
My brother is waiting on my decision to come and stay with him.
2 years ago
8 comments:
I hope you know I love you no matter what happens. And, I might add, so does the Lord.
Please keep me posted on how things are going for you.
Charmen! I love you and think you are amazing. I have watched you deal with difficult situations ever since I have known you. And I have always been in awe of the grace and class that you have retained while dealing with these situations. I am saying a prayer right now for you and your family. I hope that you know how much I respect you and I hope that you are able to make decisions to improve your situation. xoxo.
I know I should say "This too will pass" but, Charmen, you are totally not alone. We just cancelled our Memorial Day BBQ because my husband wants to work on his RC airplanes and was mad that I even invited people over. (He tells me this AFTER I spend $50 on meat and condiments.)
Curt's controlling attitude over the stupid little things drive me insane,, yet the big things like the Celestial Kingdom isn't something he feels he has to worry about right now.
I hate when people tell me that I should be grateful to have a husband, when there are times that I wish I didn't. That I had chosen a different path.
I make excuses for my husband, I think most wives do. It's better than telling everyone, "He's jsut a jerk, that's how he is."
I know that most people who know us are really surprised that we have remained married as long as we have. He does have his good points that show up very rarely, but when they do, it's worth him being here.
Good Luck and just know, I'm here and maybe our situations aren't the same, but we all have to deal with our husband/trials. Let me know if you need someone to cry to, I'll understand.
Charmen! You have been so strong for so long, and I think you need to take care of YOU now. Something has to change, your happiness is important. I know you will find a way.
I want your smiles to be real.
Love you,
Melissa
Heavenly Father did not put us on earth to find unhappiness. He put us here to find joy. Sometimes you have people in your life who are toxic and will only bring you down. This is not what the Lord has intended for our lives. He wants us to grow. If growth is not possible in your current situation then change is in order. Toxic relationships are not worth it in our lives. YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM!! He has to want to change and I know that is hard. Trust me!! You have support from so many people and so many people want you to be happy. So do what is best for YOU and no one else. It is time for YOU!! I want your smiles to be real too. Love ya girl!!
I have sensed life was not going well since you haven't called for quite a while. Nothing I will say will help, I am sure, but I have a few comments:
1. Our family has seen the best of times and the worst of times.
2. Our hearts have been full and our hearts have been broken.
3. Andrew is acting the same way with you as you have with your mother.
4. You have been accepted for who you are and your husband does not complain.
5. You and Lee still have your jobs amidst the economy crunch. He worked 3-4 jobs when you first got married so you could stay home with the children. Your working is helping to support your family and their spending habits.
6. Life is not meant to be easy or hard, but just worth it. It's what we make of it. Have a cheerful heart. Endure to the end.
7. Empty nest syndrome is hard to deal with sometimes.
8. Brittany made a decision that has been heartbreaking for the family and her, but she has picked up the pieces and gone on with her life.
9. You and Lee have had good years together, but I guess you think it's because you "sure made it look that way". I would think that by now you have adjusted to the life style of the family and can continue on with your lives together.
10. The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence. It's green where we make it green.
11. We have accepted who our children have married and tried to make them feel comfortable and loved in our family.
Love you all,
Mom Johnson
Wow....No marriage is ever perfect. Marriage is work. Constant work, not just your marriage, mine too. I think it's worth a fight.....just my 2 cents.
Go to your brother's for a two week break....sounds like you need it!
Post a Comment