Well, duh, Pa.

I didn't even see this coming. It must have creeped in so gradually that I didn't notice the subtle changes. Perhaps I should have noticed that constantly looking for my keys and losing the appropriate words in any given conversation was a symptom rather than a momentary lapse.

At this point you may wonder, "Well, she's gone and lost it, whatever is she talking about?" I think it has happened to most parents of children of a certain age. I'm stupid. I am not even "becoming" stupid, I already am. You know, where suddenly you don't have a clue about anything?

I thought this was farther in my future. I had imagined that eventually I wouldn't be able to contain the saliva in my mouth and I'd need to start wearing a bib all of the time. I wouldn't be able to walk and talk at the same time, and should I try, I would fall down.

I really thought I was getting "wiser" in my old age. I thought I was keeping one finger on the pulse of the young, incorporating what was cool, you know, I was "jiggy with it", wearing my "hater blockers" and chilling.

I have often wished that I knew what I am doing as a parent. It would appear that anything I have done thus far has been rendered useless and unnecessary. I love my kids to a fault. Perhaps that is the trap that got me here. I've tried to share my mistakes with them so that they might see for themselves how not to make the same ones. Free agency, shmee agency.

"Leave me alone" they say, or "Mom, you just don't know". The Army has the saying, "It's the toughest job you'll ever love". The Army has never been a mother, they don't know what a tough job is, and I'm fairly sure that the Army doesn't love you.

I'm gonna go find Pa, I think he may have forgotten how to breathe.